Obama Does Not Want to Kill Your Grandma: Health Care Speech Thoughts

After capping off an important but casual speech to American school children in Virginia about the benefits of injecting socialism into their water fountains, Big O headed back to Washington to deliver perhaps the biggest and most important speech in his presidency regarding the particulars of his seemingly intractable plan for health care reform. The president appeared aplomb and firm as he impassionedly explained to an incorrigibly skeptical Congress the dire need for a complete overhaul of the broken national health care system, which did not include how he wishes to kill millions of grandmas with poisoned dentures. After all, such a system would be akin to every filthy, socialistic European country, and everybody knows that Europe is stagnant.

“We are the only democracy — the only advanced democracy on Earth — the only wealthy nation — that allows such hardship for millions of its people. There are now more than 30 million American citizens who cannot get coverage. In just a two-year period, one in every three Americans goes without health care coverage at some point. And every day, 14,000 Americans lose their coverage. In other words, it can happen to anyone.” ~President Obama

Looking to quell all the seemingly endless fusillade of flagrant misinformation and irrational rumors that imbued the circus-like health care town halls this summer, President Obama politely threw his halo at all of his Republican critics by beautifully refuting the outrageous, unsubstantiated rumors with a heaping pile of delicious Baroccoli:

Some of people’s concerns have grown out of bogus claims spread by those whose only agenda is to kill reform at any cost. The best example is the claim made not just by radio and cable talk show hosts, but by prominent politicians, that we plan to set up panels of bureaucrats with the power to kill off senior citizens. Now, such a charge would be laughable if it weren’t so cynical and irresponsible. It is a lie, plain and simple. There are also those who claim that our reform efforts would insure illegal immigrants. This, too, is false. The reforms — the reforms I’m proposing would not apply to those who are here illegally. ~President Obama

The President must have mistaken the adult congressional lawmakers for the elementary children he addressed the day before, because of course one congressional Republican man-child jumped up and interrupted the President’s speech by shouting “You lie!”

Notwithstanding the visceral disruption, President Obama chugged along with his speech and reached great heights in the realm of civility and harmony when he used a beautiful letter written by the late Ted Kennedy to touch upon the greatness of Liberalism and how it historically existed alongside other schools of thought.

“You see, our predecessors understood that government could not, and should not, solve every problem. They understood that there are instances when the gains in security from government action are not worth the added constraints on our freedom. But they also understood that the danger of too much government is matched by the perils of too little; that without the leavening hand of wise policy, markets can crash, monopolies can stifle competition, and the vulnerable can be exploited. And they knew that when any government measure, no matter how carefully crafted or beneficial, is subject to scorn; when any efforts to help people in need are attacked as un-American; when facts and reason are thrown overboard and only timidity passes for wisdom, and we can no longer even engage in a civil conversation with each other over the things that truly matter – that at that point we don’t merely lose our capacity to solve big challenges. We lose something essential about ourselves.” ~ President Obama

Come on, Mr. President! Once again, you’re assuming  you’re talking to adults who place a high value on history and the divergent but intelligent differences that once separated the two parties. Moreover, if you really want to sway today’s circus tent of insane Republican wingnuts, just  announce the public option comes with a free AK-47.

Hoots and Hollars from Joe the Interrupter notwithstanding, President Obama has been awfully vague and mealy-mouthed in terms of where he stands on the health care debate. It’s as if he comes out every morning on the White House lawn, licks his finger, and see which way the wind’s blowin’ (emanating from Wall Street and Fox News Headquarters) today, then changes his agenda and message accordingly in spite of the millions of ordinary Americans and those who worked tirelessly for the Hope Man and agent of change.

Perhaps this latest speech is an indication that a sudden dip in President Obama’s popularity among his die-hard supporters and independents might have sparked Campaign Obama back into gear.

In short, President Obama clearly (and finally) delineated the classic philosophical differences between the two parties and flatly showed his drooling critics that liberalism (not socialism) isn’t on par with bestiality. Therefore, the President publicly pantsed the lunatics that comprise today’s GOP while inviting them to have tea. It was about time.